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Z finished his jack-o-lantern tonight. I don't think he ever fully gutted it, but it didn't really matter since we only lit it long enough for pictures. Next year I need to find the battery operated lights we've used in the past, though it feels a little silly since there isn't really anyone to see our creations when we do light them and leave them on the stoop. Years ago, as in over a decade ago, we got a couple of trick-or-treaters but no one tends to bother walking all the way up our hill to knock at our door. I took the kids outside to take a few photos, because it's the thing to do. Az was in a posing mood so I ran with it.

Unfortunately the only picture Z posed for on his own came out blurry.

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I obviously did the majority of the carving for Az's pumpkin this year but she did help me cut the top off and she told me what shapes to cut out for the face and where. I had thought she would have a blast getting the seeds out but she refused to touch the inside, saying she didn't want to get her hands dirty. Miguel had bought her a small sugar pumpkin, which Az quickly decided was her official pumpkin. She wanted me to carve that one for her but it wasn't hollow. Z worked on his pumpkin slowly and methodically, as is his way, and ran out of time so he had to to finish the next night. We had to postpone the grand lighting of pumpkins ceremony until then, though I did quickly light a candle in Az's pumpkin so she could see. I blew it out just as quickly lest my two-year-old go running off with a flaming squash in her arms.

The most anticipated part of carving pumpkins for me is always roasting the seeds, but we were running low on propane again thanks to the company not being willing to come out until more than a week after I called, so we were avoiding using the oven. I had wanted to wait until Miguel and I could carve our own pumpkins anyhow, but then neither Miguel nor I ended up doing any carving. We didn't even end up leaving the pumpkins lit outside because leaving candles unattended in the woods makes me nervous. Pumpkin carving felt a little off this year, but Z didn't seem to notice and really the pumpkin carving was for him this year. Az wouldn't have known to miss it if we had skipped it.

Who knows, maybe Miguel and I can make Thanksgiving themed pumpkins now. I've never tried carving a pumpkin into a turkey.

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Az has requested she be a large handful of things for Halloween. I'm trying to help her realize each one before the official date, with things we have at hand. I present to you Az the princess.

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Az had soccer again today, where she was given her jersey. I'm pretty sure she was given the wrong jersey because the other kids on the team all have white jerseys. The kids wearing blue jerseys look much older than her. Oh well, it looks like she'll be sporting the evening gown version of a soccer jersey this season. I hear they're all the rage in Madrid.

Az did okay during today's lesson, though the regular coach was back today and she was pretty intense. Az didn't respond very well to her. Az is still reserved about joining in on some of the activities, and takes a minute to warm up. By the time she does want to join in the coach is moving on to the next thing. There were a couple of times when the coach was literally pushing her along and I had to ask her to remove her hands from Az's back and let her go at her own pace. When it came time for popping bubbles the kids were instructed to stomp them with her feet. Az did a little stomping, but also wanted to pop them with her hands. I let her because whatever, they're bubbles and at least she was participating. The coach, however, barked at her to stop and only use her feet. The coach is a young girl, possibly in her teens, so I'm trying to cut her slack but we're paying good money for the experience. I think it might be time to move Az up to the older class after all.

Here's a bonus shot of Z, just because:

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It seems like it wasn't that long ago that the phone pictured was mine. In fact, I just got the phone not that long ago. I got the iPhone5 the day it came out and had it to myself for about two days before Az declared that the phone was in fact hers. My big mistake was putting so many games for her on it. Miguel has a phone that can download games as well but oddly enough it isn't able to download any kids games. He's able to get all of his games on the phone just fine though. He's obviously much smarter than me. Every once in a while Az will pick up the phone and declare that she needs to get a job, which cracks me up because I use the phone to search for upcoming subbing jobs online. She is very serious about it too, a little too much so. I apparently need to be a little less intense about looking for work.

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Today would have been my dad's 59th birthday. It was a regular day of course; I went to work, Z went to school, and afterwards the kids and I went to Z's soccer game. Afterwards though, I wanted to do something in memory of my dad. I had been thinking about it all day and hadn't come up with anything that felt fitting for a Thursday evening. Z wanted to go to Fresh Choice but I think he just wanted to go to Fresh Choice, it didn't really have a whole lot to do with his grandpa. He said it was a place we went to celebrate and he wanted to celebrate Grandpa, but there's nothing about Fresh Choice that really reminds me of my dad. I tried to find people to come out to dinner with us so that it would feel like more of an event but I had waited too long to try to organize something, and in the end we ended up picking up seafood burritos and bringing them home while Z and I talked about good memories we had of Grandpa.

One of the most heart-breaking facts of my life is that my dad and Az never got to know each other. My dad would have adored Az. He was so into Z, and I know he would have been just as into Az. Az would truly have been his reward for raising his obstinate daughter; she would have been the little girl for him to spoil and then hand over when she got moody or started to throw a tantrum. I know that my dad would have found Az to be absolutely beautiful with her Asiatic features. My dad deserved to know Az. I wish that he could have at least known she was coming.

Just as much I think Az deserved to know her grandfather. Both of her grandfathers passed away shortly before she was born. My dad passed away nine months before she was born and Miguel's dad passed away twelve months before that. Septembers were rough months for her grandpas. I don't know if Az will ever realize she has that hole in her life with not having a grandpa, I hope she feels so much love from the people she does have in her life she doesn't notice that absence, but I think I will always feel it. When I was a year old my father's mother passed, and my dad talked a lot about how much he missed her and how much she would have loved me through various phases in my life. I'm only now able to understand how heartbreaking it must have been for him to watch me grow up without his mother to also witness it.

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My girl pays attention to the world around her, and constantly catches me off-guard. Today she referred to my dad (whom passed away before she was born) as "Daddy Michael." I had no idea she understood that I ever had a dad, let alone that his name was Michael.

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Az to me today: "You're my favorite friend." She says the most awesome things sometimes. I'll have to remember these moments for when she's a teenager.

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Az understands that my phone is for asking questions and getting answers. Today I caught her with my phone, pressing the button that summons Suri. When she heard the familiar ding she held it up to her mouth and very carefully asked, "Where's Daddy?" I had to answer for Suri that he was at work. She really does miss us when we're at work. In fact today she pulled away while nursing to tell me, "I miss you at work." I told her that I would rather be at home with her and she thanked me.

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It's starting to look a lot like Halloween around here.

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Last year I discovered a dairy farm that also operates as a pumpkin patch during October. We decided to check it out last year based solely on those merits, and were rewarded with the surprise that it was also a potato farm in addition to this. We had had a blast digging our own potatoes the year before and Miguel had made a roast and potato meal that night that all of our palettes were still longing for, so of course we had to do the whole thing again this year. Az was less than enthralled by digging potatoes and was ready for a nap by then so the two of us went off to find a quieter place to nurse while the boys did the digging. I've never been a huge fan of potatoes, most likely as a result of the fact that my dad was so very fond of them, and served them with most meals, but there is just something about eating food you just dug from the ground that day (and it just might taste even better when it was your boyfriend and son that did the digging.) This year the farm had four types of potatoes, one of which was a Peruvian purple. The flesh of the potato is a beautiful vivid purple, and to my taste buds the taste actually lived up to the flashiness. I just might have found a potato that I like. Too bad I only know where to get them one month out of the year, if that one farm decides to grow them.

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I've been wanting to sign Az up for an activity with kids her age. I guess her brother's struggles in the land of social skills has me worried about her struggling socially too. She doesn't go to daycare and I don't have friends with kids her age (or kids, period) so she doesn't get as much opportunity to hang out with kids her age as I'd like.

After watching her brother play soccer each week Az decided that she wanted to play too. Unlike Z's program hers is decidedly not free but Miguel and I decided to scrape together the money anyhow because it seemed a waste to have finally found a program that seems good for her and then not put her in it. Considering this was her first experience in a class setting and following directions given by someone other than Mom, Dad, or Grandmama I think she did really well. She was too shy to participate in all of the activities but she did most of them. She certainly loved the actual soccer aspect of the class, it was the times she was asked to sit on a plastic square for circle time that she was unsure of.

I decided to put Az in the class for kids 18 months to 2 years old, partially because I misunderstood the way the classes were divided (I thought this meant that the class was for kids who were anywhere from 18 months old to under 3 years old, not that it was for kids 18 month to just under 2 years old as it actually is intended) and partially because I thought it might be a better fit since she would be with kids who were not as used to following directions too. I'm not really sure if I made the right decision. The kids really are a lot younger than her, and the class moves in the disjointed style that would appeal to an 18 month old. As soon as Az gets into something it's time to move on. On the other hand, the younger kids are doing things like popping bubbles and playing with parachutes. Az learned today that she absolutely adores parachutes. I'm not sure if I'll keep Az in the younger class or move her up but I figure either way she's getting new experiences around new people. And maybe she's even discovering a new life-long interest (soccer, not parachutes. Though I still think parachutes are pretty cool.)

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This is a common photo these days. I'll see a shot of Az that I want to take and I'll stealthily attempt to take it just as Miguel notices what I'm about to do and goes to brush her hair out of her eyes, thereby giving me a shot very much like this one. I've asked him time and again to leave her bangs alone when he sees me taking a picture, but I guess it's a reflex for him. After the hand in the face shot Az is usually wise to my stealthiness and I have to wait until another time when hopefully Miguel won't notice me taking the picture.

Last night Az and I were watching television when a commercial for Target came on. I had the television on for background noise really, neither of us was really watching, until that commercial came on. As soon as it did Az snapped to attention and announced, "Oh! I need to go to shopping!" It's such responsibility being a parent. I love the bulls-eyed stores, but I'd rather my two-year-old still be blissfully unaware of the siren song of Target.

The next day we went to Target of course. But we hung out in the book aisle for a long time, so I can chalk it up as an educational experience, right?

She was wearing shoes when she was strapped into the cart, but I guess a good book makes her want to get comfortable. And we didn't buy the pillow doll at her feet. I know it's disgraceful, but I often let her carry around toys that we ditch before actually hitting the checkout stand. It creates a much more peaceful trip for everyone involved.

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I often leave for work before Az wakes up, but about half the time she wakes while I'm getting ready and demands I carry her out of bed. This usually means getting ready for work with her on my hip, since there doesn't seem to be anything that will keep Miguel awake before ten in the morning. On good days Az will wake up ready to play and keep Z and I company while we get ready for the day. Sometimes, though just sometimes, she is tired enough that I can snuggle her up next to her dad and she will fall back asleep until he is ready to join the world again.

 

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Great-aunt Lulu sent Az a pink tutu'd bathing suit for next summer, but of course Az has no intention of waiting all the way until next summer. She is  ballerina after all.

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She wasn't wearing the hat or glasses when I buckled her into the car seat to go pick up her brother from school. I don't even know where either of the items came from.

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The kids and I met up with my mom again today to go to the Tolay Fall Festival, another tradition we started when Az was around three months old. I had free passes and parking for the festival this year, which was especially nice because the festival doesn't change much at all each year. There is a hay ride to a pumpkin patch where we never buy pumpkins because they're pricey and we don't want to carry around pumpkins the rest of the day, a barn with both some barn-like and not-so-barn-like animals (Az especially liked the tidal pool petting zoo area), a "village" of Miwok teepees, a tent with bees, and some buildings where kids can make corn husk dolls, felt hair for the dolls, and dip candles. The festival has grown weary for us grown ups but it is still an event Z looks forward to every year and Az gets older and more appreciative each year. So we keep going and I'll probably continue going the next couple of years until the kids no longer want to. Like I said, it was free so I really didn't have a good argument not to go. Az got to try her first SnoCone, which luckily turned out to be the really good kind with soft ice and lots of syrup so she had a very nice day. When we first started talking costumes Az listed about eight of them, one of which was a princess, so I figured the festival was a good excuse to let her wear her Snow White costume from the year before. She was very happy to finally be acknowledged as the princess she feels she is. (She also thinks most other girls are princesses too. Except for me; she says I'm Super Man.)

 We took the same shot last year. Z was quite a bit shorter and less shaggy.

 Snow White eating a snow cone.

We learned that Az is a HUGE fan of stamps. I guess it's time to make some potato stamps at home, though mine never really look like the shape I was aiming for.

I kept telling her to stop hugging the animals, that they might not see her as friendly, but how do you tell Snow White to stop loving on forest creatures?

I wish I were better at laying out all of the photos through Blogger to make it all more aesthetically pleasing. The former Yearbook Photography Editor in me cringes through every multi-photo post.